How can we help people understand transgender individuals?

Olivia Foster, a lesbian who wrote a paper on transgender and homosexual individuals for her English class,  recently commented how transgender and homosexual individuals are socially isolated from society. She asked: ‘How do you think we could help people understand transgender individuals? I really want an inside opinion! Thank you so much!’

This was my reply, which I am repeating here as a separate posting:

I think the first thing is that we all need to support and be tolerant of each other in the LGBT community. If we can’t be tolerant of each other, when we are ‘differently gendered’ or ‘differently sexually orientated’ from the so-called ‘norm’, how can we expect so-called ‘normal’ or ‘straight’ people to be tolerant and understanding of us?

As I said in my last blog post, I love lesbians and gay men, and I love socialising with my sisters and brothers in the ‘Gay Village’ in Manchester. Unfortunately I have come across people, mainly in the trans community, who, in spite of their own transgenderism, appear to have a bi-polar approach to gender, and want to self identify as either a ‘transvestite/crossdresser’, just ‘a bloke in a frock but there’s nowt queer about me’ at one end of the TG spectrum – and what I might call ‘fundamentalist’ transsexuals at the other end, who regard themselves as in some way superior, or ‘more the real thing’ than other transgendered folk.

I think it is crazy to divide ourselves off from each other in this way. To me, if we have ‘gender discomfort’ or ‘dysphoria’ to any extend at all, whether we are occasional crossdressers, regular or full-time transgendered girls or boys, she-males, drag queens or drag kings, or pre- or post-operative transsexuals – we are ALL members of the transgender community, sisters and brothers under the skin, as well as identifying ourselves as one gender or the other by our outer clothing, hairstyle, makeup, mannerisms, voice pitch, speech patterns and gender identity.

This is why I prefer the term ‘transgendered’, because it is inclusive and can be taken to cover us all, wherever we are on the gender spectrum or continuum, and I believe most people, including those who are not transgendered – so-called ‘normal’ people, are somewhere in the middle.

We all, regardless of our biological and chromosomal sex, have feminine and masculine characteristics – but unfortunately many people are frightened or reluctant to fully express all parts of their personalities. So if most people are somewhere in the middle regarding the gender spectrum, transgendered people are just folk who find themselves on the ‘wrong’ side of the mid-point of the spectrum, so they self-identify as the ‘other’ or ‘opposite’ sex – that is, they have, in terms of traditional gender attributes and gender stereotyping, more of the characteristics of the gender on the other side of the gender ‘mid-point’.

This of course is very confusing for them, in a world which persists in the traditional bi-polar attribution of so-called ‘feminine’ and ‘masculine’ traits. But that is not to say that if this gender bipolarism was reduced to the point where everyone was free to wear what they like, and express their gender identity in any way they like, there wouldn’t still be transgendered people, because obviously there would be those, like me, who feel the need to have surgery to change their bodies as well as their clothing so that they can feel ‘whole’, be fully the person that they feel they are inside, and be perceived as such by others.

I don’t think I have exactly answered your question, Olivia, about how transgender and homosexual individuals can feel less socially isolated, as regards ‘straight society’. I’ll try to address that now:

Within the LGBT community, we can feel less socially isolated by all supporting and learning to understand each other, whether we are transgendered, lesbian, gay, bisexual, heterosexual, or any combination of the aforementioned.

But how do we achieve social and cultural acceptance, and therefore feel less socially isolated, regarding ‘straight’ society? The answer is simple, and it is what the Gay Liberation Movement did in the 1960s and 70s – ‘coming out’ – by NOT staying in the closet, by holding events such as Gay Pride and Sparkle, and by mixing as much as possible in and with ‘straight’ society, so that we seem as ‘normal’ to them as we seem to ourselves – just ‘people’, human beings – like them.

I guess the implication of this is that we shouldn’t just hang out in LGBT bars and clubs, and areas like the Gay Village in Manchester, where we know we are safe – we should also go into and be seen in ‘straight’ places – out shopping, and in ‘straight’ pubs and clubs, or anywhere that any other citizen of the world can go! We should be proud to be who we are, and the more we are ‘out’, the more it will be accepted as ‘normal’ to be LGBT.

Easier said than done, I know! I recently did go into a ‘straight’ fairly working-class ‘blokish pub’ in my home town, as my femme self, naturally, together with my (genetic female) wife/partner and a genetic female friend. The three of us girls were the only females in the bar, and we did get stared at, and I felt decidedly uncomfortable. At least one man, a little, wiry, Yorkshire terrier of a chap who was very ‘blokish’ indeed, looked over in our direction with a scowl on his face, as if there was a bad smell emanating from our corner of the room!

It would be easy to conclude that he had ‘read’ me as transgendered and was prejudiced against me, or that he resented our feminine intrusion into an otherwise male sanctum, or that he was just appalled that two of us ladies were drinking pints! But it could just have been that it was a Friday, the end of the week, he had perhaps had a bad week, and was tired and not in a good mood anyway – and that that was just his characteristic expression – and nothing to do with our presence in the bar!

This brings me to a final point – which is that it is too easy and in fact we can be completely wrong when we try to ‘second-guess’ people’s reactions to us. What did that look mean? Why is that person staring at me or smiling at me? We may think we are attracting unwanted and possibly hostile attention – but it could just be that if someone is looking at us – they might just be thinking how nice we look, or how interesting we are, or how they would like to come up and talk to us!

How Stephen became Stephanie and other transgender tales out now

How Stephen became Stephanie and other transgender tales is now available in the U.S, in paperback and Kindle eBook formats from  Amazon.com; in the UK from  Amazon.co.uk, and in Germany from Amazon.de.

The new paperback edition can also be ordered in the UK from TVFiction.com and the eBook format is also available from eBooks-UK in non-DRM versions.

This is ALL of Kate Lesley’s classic transgender short stories, which first appeared in serialized form in FFG’s transgender fiction magazines, Tales of Crossdressing, Tales of Sissy School and Forced Femme and Girlhood.

The magazine serialisations, with illustrations are also still available from http://www.tgfiction.co.uk/ (digital version) and http://www.tvfiction.com/ (original printed magazines, some with full colour pictures).

The new book version of the stories can be ordered online from Amazon by going to:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Stephen-became-Stephanie-transgender-ebook/dp/B005AK3ZDO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=A3TVV12T0I6NSM&qid=1310326249&sr=1-1

The book features eleven classic stories on themes of male to female transgenderism – tales of forced feminization, sex change, sissy schools, maid training, petticoat punishment, cross-dressing and transvestism.

‘I was Aunt Mary’s Sissy’ – An eccentric aunt who dislikes boys takes her nephew in hand, and soon has the niece she desires….

‘I Turned my Husband into a Girl ‘ – Classic tale from the point of view of the wife, who is sure that things will work out better for both of them if John is turned into Joanne…..many surprises, and a breathtaking ending.

‘A Walk on the Wild Side’ – Experience a taste of transgender real-life – eavesdrop on the conversation of two transvestites on the streets of Manchester’s Gay Village in the 1990s.

‘The Lady of the Lake’ – Dark Ages fantasy inspired by the ‘Iron John’ story, a fairy tale first set down by the Brothers Grimm. Explores the theme of recovering lost parts of ourselves.

‘How Stephen became Stephanie’ – Stephen’s landlady conspires with his personnel manager at work to change him into a supermarket check-out girl and part-time maid.

‘New Girl on the Ward’ – Nicholas has always had a ‘thing’ about nurses – but he never dreams that one day he will be wearing that blue uniform himself. The story of a young man’s transformation into a female nurse.

‘Mother’s New Daughter’ – A mother begins her plan to feminise her son and change him into the daughter she has always wanted.

‘Virtual Reality Woman’ – By the early years of the new Millennium there is an unemployed male underclass. The feminist Dr. Hannah Klonek, suggests a solution – to make boys much more like girls. A young male postgraduate is invited to wear the prototype Total Virtual Reality suit and try out the program. And so Andy becomes Laura. A surprise awaits Laura when she discovers what has been done to her real body….

Jackie and Melanie Take Charge – Kevin can’t believe his luck when two attractive, sophisticated women pick him up and take him back to their hotel room in Bangkok. But Kevin has fallen into a complicated web of intrigue woven by two formidable female academics. Their research takes on a practical turn when they inveigle Kevin into dressing as a girl, and slowly Kevin is transformed completely into an attractive blonde.

School for Sissies – François is left fatherless and his mother Lydia is appointed to a teaching job at a girls’ preparatory school. Having already taken pleasure in dressing her son as a girl while he was a toddler, she decides he is to be enrolled at the school as a girl. Francoise settles into the life of a girl, and spends five happy years at St. Saviours. When Francoise is eleven years old, her mother begins to think about how Francoise’s education as a girl can be continued.

Lydia resolves to start her own private high school for girls, with the financial backing of wealthy friends. Lydia’s ‘special’ educational methods of corset training, sissification and petticoat punishment are introduced. Boys who resist sissification are put into tight corsets and undergo complete petticoat punishment. The new ‘girls’ are started on ‘vitamin’ pills which are in fact female hormones. At the age of 14 or 15, a regimen of extra female hormones and anti-androgen tablets is added. By the time they are in the Sixth Form; most Stage Four transitioning girls are practically indistinguishable from their genetically female friends. What happens at Stage Five? – Well, you will need to read the story to find out…

Deborah’s Decision – Deborah has to choose between a rich and successful businessman and a rather feminine Australian boy whom she meets at work. When she has a night out at a nightclub in London, Deborah encounters a beautiful young woman who turns out to be Tim, the young Australian. Who will Deborah choose – the rich businessman or the Australian girly-boy?

How did it start? When did I first realise I wanted to be a girl?

For me then, how did it all start? When did I first have feelings of wanting to be a girl and/or wear female clothing? I could perhaps go back even further, and ask when did I first realise that I wasn’t a girl, and that I wanted to be a girl (or at least to dress and be treated as a girl)?  How did I discover that the world was apparently divided between two sorts of human beings, who wore two different types of clothing, and appeared to exhibit different sorts of behaviour? Some things were apparently okay for girls to do, but apparently not for boys, and vice-versa.  Likewise with clothing – girls could wear dresses, have long hair with pretty ribbons in it, but boys couldn’t. Why?  (Why indeed!)

Like a lot of people who became aware of their need to cross-dress in the 60′s and 70′s, the most important aspect of my transgenderism was initially focused on wanting to wear female clothing and adopt a female persona.  From a fairly young age, I started to carry this out in reality, raiding the washing basket for my sister’s bras and panty-hose, which I would put on in secret in the bathroom or down in the garden shed!

I avidly read any sensational exposés in the Sunday gutter press about people who had changed sex or were transvestites or drag queens.  I recognised myself in some of the stories, which I had to read secretly. As a young child, I was small, blond, fair-skinned and slightly built; if I’d had longer hair, I would have looked more like a girl than my sister.

I can remember, at the age of about four, begging my mother to let me put on one of my sister’s dresses.  On that occasion the most she would do was to put a hair clip in my hair, saying disparagingly:  ’What would your father say?’

My father was a VERY masculine man; as a boy, he had been captain of his school football and cricket teams, and a champion boxer – he went to the same school as Henry Cooper, on the Bellingham Estate in South London (Henry Cooper was a heavyweight champion who fought Mumammed Ali, incidentally).  My father was very muscular, very hairy, very swarthy, and a bit of a bully. He expected me to be good at sports – which I wasn’t – I was in fact pretty pathetic at all sports. He must have wondered how he managed to produce a little blond squirt like me. In my father’s eyes, just about the worst thing to be was a sissy, or homosexual.

This was the late 50′s and early 60′s, before homosexuality was legalised in the U.K., so you can imagine the pressure on me to conform, in spite of whatever feelings I had inside.  I was intelligent enough to know that if I appeared in any way to be a sissy, or said that I wanted to wear dresses, my father would give me a good hiding, and I would have been bullied mercilessly at school.

So simply for survival, I pretended to be a ‘normal’ little boy and supressed any girlish urges and tendencies.

My mother was (- is, although she is somewhat frail now, at 87) a very strong-willed woman who did not like males very much. My mother has no idea that I am transgendered, and have been all my life!  I do wonder if her contempt for men and obvious preference for girls and the female sex had any effect on me – young children want to please their mothers, don’t they?  And my mother’s attitude to men must have been obvious to me from a very young age.  A few years ago, I found a photo (below) of me as a toddler.  I appear to be dressed as a girl, in a girl’s bathing costume, don’t I?  Was this a ‘one-off’ occurrence or had I already been dressed as a girl on other occasions previously?  I can’t remember, and there’s no way my mother would remember or admit to anything now.

Baby 'Keith' dressed as a girl - the future Kate Lesley (Amber Goth) as a toddler

Another odd thing – I can remember my paternal grandmother saying to me, more than once, ‘Come here and let me cut your tail off and sew a button on.’  My father’s mother was a tiny, but hard and formidable woman who had borne nine children, seven of whom had survived; my father (the champion boxer) was her youngest boy.  So what was she doing saying things like this to me?  Was I so girlish and effeminate that it was just the obvious thing to say?  Was she trying to undermine my fledgling masculinity? What was going on?  And does any of this, on the part of two powerful women in my early life, explain my later transgenderism?

Or did something happen to me while I was still in the womb?  Maybe my brain got an accidental blast of female hormones from my mother while I was still in utero? Is that the explanation for my female brain gender and brain sex?

Or perhaps none of this is relevant?  No one really knows the answer to these questions, although recent research indicates the importance of biological factors relating to hormones, brain chemistry and brain structure – suggesting that trangendered people are born that way.  Certainly no one in their right mind would choose to be transgendered, in view of the discrimination we face and the difficult medical, social and cultural path that we follow if we decide to transition completely.

As a young child, I remember hoping and praying, as I went to sleep, that I would wake up a girl.  It never happened.  and then puberty hit, and I woke up one morning and saw that all was lost. There was a stranger emerging in the mirror – my dear little snub nose was growing and widening; my face was losing its childish features and becoming masculine. My voice started to break. I played with my hair, trying to brush it into a girlish style, but I was fighting a losing battle.  (This horror story will be continued…)

Proposal for the formation of a new political party – see if you agree with these policies:

Policies of the New Libertarian Independent Secular Party (L.I.S.P.)

Like the Libertarian Party in the U.S., the New Libertarian Independent Secular Party – launched here today, 22^nd October 2012 – reflects the ideas of libertarianism, favouring a secular, humanist society, a less powerful state (except for the re-nationalisation of essential public utilities), strong civil liberties (including support for same-sex marriage and other LGBT rights), minimum restrictions on freedom of speech and expression, the legalization of cannabis, separation of church and state, non-interventionism and neutrality in diplomatic relations (i.e., avoiding foreign military entanglements with other nations), freedom of trade and travel to all foreign countries, and a more responsive and direct democracy using modern digital technology to enable citizens to vote directly on important issues.

We would:

1)      Re-nationalise all public utilities and industries which were nationalised by the Attlee government in 1945 and privatised by the Thatcher government after 1979, to include gas, electricity, water, raillways, telecoms, coal and steel.

2)      Provide free residential and nursing support for the elderly in care and nursing homes without means testing or requiring the sale of the elderly person’s house and free home help care for the elderly still living in their own homes.

3)      Impose heavy penalties on bankers and all financial traders, managers, executives, stock brokers, commodity and derivatives traders, hedge fund managers etc. found guilty of negligence, fraud, financial malfeasance, misconduct or impropriety – penalties to include large fines, confiscation of personal assets and property,  and imprisonment.

4)      Abolish prescription charges and make all hospital car parks free.

5)      Withdraw all U.K. troops and military personal immediately from Afghanistan, Iraq and all other foreign interventions; no Prime Minister or U.K. government EVER to take the nation to war again without a national referendum.

6)      Abolish university fees and re-introduce full grants for all students from low income families and proportional grants combined with a moderate parental financial contribution for students from middle income families; high income families to pay full costs of children’s university education.

7)      Abolish religious denomination schools and re-introduce technical and vocational colleges alongside grammar and academy schools, but none of them to be under local authority or central government control.

8)      Abolish Ofsted, SATs, school league tables and the National Curriculum*.  Allow schools to determine their own curriculums and educational priorities, financed by a voucher system like the one in Sweden.

9)      Revert ‘new’ universities back to polytechnic status or re-designate as technical universities and require them to run high quality technology, engineering and I.C.T. courses together with overseeing a large expansion in apprenticeship schemes.

10)  Require the universities of Oxford, Cambridge and other ‘top 20’  universities to take at least 70% of students from U.K. state secondary schools and no more than 10% from U.K. private schools and no more than 20% intake of overseas students.

11)  Use the Internet and digital technology to reform democracy in the 21^st century and give power back to the people.  We have social networking on the World Wide Web – why not electronic voter networking using the Internet, mobile phones, chip and pin systems etc. to enable ordinary citizens to vote on important political issues?**

12)  Legalise cannabis and allow sale of cannabis through licensed distribution (eg. through public houses, which would help to reinvigorate the licensed trade and traditional pub sector).

13)  Reduce excise duty on cask conditioned beers and remove it completely on beers brewed by micro-breweries. Lower excise duty on single malt whiskies and blended whiskies but increase excise duty on ‘alcopops’.  Break up monopolies of large pub ownership companies which charge landlords and pub managers extortionate rents.

14)  De-criminalise prostitution and make provision for regular health checks and contraception for sex workers.

*Politicians should let teachers get on with their jobs instead of always interfering in education and using it as a political football (this also applies to the health service).  They should recognise what teachers and other educational professionals have always known: that educational achievement is largely influenced by social, familial, economic and class factors.  

Why do politicians fail to acknowledge what is so obvious to anyone who actually woks in education?  Educational achievement is adversely affected for children living in areas of social and economic deprivation, where there is high unemployment, family breakdown and multiple social problems. Children in such areas will inevitably perform poorly in standardised educational tests compared with children living in affluent areas where parents are themselves likely to have achieved higher educational levels and are predominantly in well-paid professional and managerial employment. 

STOP castigating, criticizing, punishing and micro-managing teachers in schools located in deprived neighbourhoods.  Let them get on with their job and stop interfering.  DO NOT introduce more and more pointless bureaucratic assessment and tick-lists. DO NOT pay attention to educational consultants, local authority bureaucrats, Ofsted inspectors, or government ministers and their officials. Instead, ask the teachers ‘at the chalk face’ what they actually need and provide them with the extra resources required to make a difference.  Introduce social and economic policies which really address problems of multiple deprivation. 

Much of this was known as far back as 1967 when the Plowden Report was written, stressing that ‘at the heart of the educational process lies the child’ (not Ofsted, not SATS, not league tables, not local government educational advisers, not ministers of education).

It is pitiful that so little progress has been made since Plowden, which included the following recommendations:

• A national policy of ‘positive discrimination’ should favour schools in deprived neighbourhoods (Ch. 5)
• Nursery education should be available to children at any time after they reach the age of three (Ch. 9)
• Authorities maintaining selection should not rely on intelligence and attainment tests. (Ch. 11)
• The maximum size of primary school classes should be reduced (Ch. 20)
• More men teachers are needed in primary schools (Ch. 25)

————————————–

** Our current parliamentary system of so-called democracy means that voters only get a say once every five years and governments can do what they like in between elections.  This system grew out of medieval kingship and the patronage of the ruling classes, and is hundreds of years out of date. 

We now have the technology (the Internet, secure websites, smart phones, pin & chip cards, etc.) to enable ordinary people to vote on major issues which affect them in everyday life.  So why don’t we harness this technology to make a quantum leap towards real democracy and thereby reduce the power of parliament and the executive to decide everything?  A few privileged people – mainly rich, mainly white and mainly men – who went to the same schools and universities and belong to the same clubs – currently rule us and make all the decisions on our behalf.  Why can’t we vote on important issues ourselves through new voter networking technology?  It is easily within our technical abilities as a society to introduce such a system to enable people to vote on important issues – perhaps once a week or once a month – but our rulers don’t want to cede that sort of power to ordinary voters; witness how many times we have been promised a vote on European Union treaties and successive governments have wriggled out of it.

We deserve a better system of democracy than the current antiquated system, where a load of privileged middle-aged and elderly men meet in two plush chambers in a vast 19^th century Victorian Gothic edifice on the side of the Thames to ‘hear hear’ and ‘jeer jeer’ each other, while sleek bureaucrats in Whitehall write elephantine piles of ‘minutes’ and reports detailing all the reasons why nothing of a commonsense nature can ever be done.

 

Transgendered author being attacked and slandered – attempt to censorship through intimidation

As many of your know, I am a transgendered author who has been writing and publishing trangender fiction since 1994.

I have never had a single complaint or adverse comment about any of my transgender stories in the past, but recently I spoke out for tolerance and inclusiveness in the transgender community on a TV Internet forum on a TV dating site, after which I was attacked by a number of ‘trolls’.  The substance of what I’d written was positive and suggested that people within the trans community should be supportive to each other and not persistently  hostile and negative.  Unfortunately I was then vilified myself by the same small minority of ‘trolls’, who referred to my transgender fiction work on my other websites in order to attack me.

These attacks degenerated and became more and more personal, so I left the site in question and notified the owner of the site, who has removed the forum discussion threads where I was being vilified.

I thought that would be the end of this persecution, but it stills seem to be continuing.  Slanderous allegations have been made against me to defame my reputation in the trangender community and beyond.

I have posted a rebuttal on my websites, which includes the following words:

‘IMPORTANT NOTE: The stories in our magazines and books are works of transgender fantasy FICTION.

The stories are not true – anymore than J.K. Rowling’s stories about evil wizards are true. Because J.K. Rowling wrote about young people not having a very nice time at the hands of evil wizards in some of her books, it does not make her an evil wizard herself, anymore than authors of crime fiction or murder mysteries are criminals or murderers.

Some of our stories feature mothers, aunts, grannies, wives etc. who feminise boys or young men and turn them into girls. This is a common theme in transgender fiction and is about wish-fulfilment on the part of transgendered folk, who really wish that this could happen to them! None of it ever happened!

We have had to spell this out, due to attacks and slanderous allegations.

We believe in freedom of creative expression for transgender authors and artists. We are proud members of the LGBT community, and just as lesbians and gay men would be horrified about the idea of gay fiction being censored and vilified by a small minority of puritanical fundamentalists, we hope you will support us in maintaining that members of the trans community should be equally free from this type of politically correct oppression from these puritans who seek to put back the clock to the 1950s and attack the advances in artistic and creative freedom that were achieved in the 1960s and 1970s in liberal democracies.’

Please show your agreement by posting your support on this site and supporting me on my other social networking sites.

Amber Goth

The 1945-51 Clement Attlee Labour government was the best and greatest we’ve ever had in Britain

Watched Bert & Dickie on Beeb 1 (BBC 1) tonight, set at the time of the 1948 Olympics here in Old Blighty, last time we hosted it. Hadn’t intended to ‘cos I’m sick of all the fuss about the feckin’ Olympics already, not being a sporty type and left-handed and all. But what it was really about was the British class system, still alive and well in 2012, when we are even now ruled by Eaton and Oxford school boys.

And what occurred to me is that the 1945-51 Clement Attlee Labour government was the best and greatest government we’ve ever had. They managed to stage the 1948 Olympics and the 1951 Festival of Britain at a time when the country was bankrupt having just fought the Second World War; and yet the Attlee government somehow managed also to nationalise coal, steel and the railways and launch the National Health Service, greatly improve primary and secondary education and living standards for ordinary people, and lay the foundations of the welfare state which remained in existence until Margaret Thatcher set about systematically dismantling it and destroying the post-war consensus which prevailed through all British governments, both Tory and Labour, until 1979.

And after Thatcher we had Blair (or Thatcher Mk II), who inherited a very prosperous country compared with what Clement Attlee faced, and what did he do? He invented ‘New Labour’, continued squandering North Sea oil, got us involved in pointless and costly foreign wars, ‘liberalised’ the City of London, the banks and the financial sector which led directly to the financial collapse and banking crisis of 2008; the rich got richer, ordinary folk got screwed, and now we are told we can’t afford to allow the elderly dignity in old age, we force them to sell their homes to finance their nursing care, and the young from less well-off families are thrown into decades of debt because they are forced to pay university fees and take out loans to finance their university educations which Blair’s generation got for free! All of which could have been afforded by the country easily if we hadn’t been dragged into expensive foreign wars and if the rich hadn’t been given free rein to get richer while most ordinary folk got poorer.

And we are told by the Eaton and Oxbridge ruling elite to ‘tighten our belts’ and put up with it! It MAKES ME MAD!

Woman smile more than men – so should you!

Hi girls,

When I was at Sparkle recently I noticed how many of the T-Girls on Canal Street and in the clubs and bars were walking around looking grim, not smiling, even frowning!

This is a dead give-away that you are not a girl. Girls smile more than men when they are out in public and socialising – they really do! So just smile! Practice it when you are out and about. It will also mean that you will get less frown lines as you get older, and won’t need botox or a face-lift as well as FFS.

I mean this advice quite seriously. It will make more difference than all the makeup and wigs etc. that you could possibly use. You will also find that people will find you more approachable, and be more likely to be disposed to you in a friendly way.

I think the reason that so may T-Girls don’t smile when they are out is to do with their lack of self-confidence and embarrassment, their fear of being ‘read’ etc.

Be glad that you’re transgendered, you have been given a wonderful gift that ‘straight’ people don’t have, the poor things! So smile! It puts people at their ease and makes them smile back, and according to the research, it is good for you.

I try to do this when I am out in the street or in bars and clubs, and in fact it must have made me more approachable in the streets around Canal Street, because three times over the weekend I was approached by complete strangers asking me for directions; these were ordinary folk of both sexes, not trans women or people who were there for Sparkle. So it works – try it!

Those terms TV, CD, T-Girl, TG, TS – just artificial constructs so don’t take them too seriously

Hi girls,

I have just become a new girl on TVChix. (http://tvchix.com) I joined TVChix because so many girls at this year’s Sparkle (2012) asked me if I was on it – well I am  now – as ambergoth – so please sign my Guestbook and Favourite me or even become and Admirer!

But I am not new to discussions on theories of gender identity and how we acquire our sense of gender – or in the case of transgendered folk like us, how things did not work out quite as society and our parents expected.

I wrote a Masters degree dissertation at Nottingham University in 1990 under the title ‘The Aqquisition of Gender’.  I concluded at that time that traditional feminine and masculine gender role stereotypes were mainly social constructs – ‘nurture’ rather than ‘nature’.  This was very much in line with theoretical thinking at the time, which had possibly been influenced by feminist writers of the 1960s and 1970s.

I have since revised my views in the light of some more recent biological and medical research which has suggested that gender (rather than biological sex) is partly programmed i[i]n utero[/i], and that things can go wrong with this, so that the baby is born with a sense of gender which does not conform to biological or genetic sex.  (That’s us, girls!)

I discussed some of this a while back on this weblog.

These posts are probably the most relevant:

How can we help people understand transgender individuals?

Why did I want to be a girl? Gender Identity and Transgenderism

How did it start? When did I first realise I wanted to be a girl?

Gender Identity as a continuum, terms ‘Transvesite’, Crossdresser’, ‘Transgender’, ‘Transsexual’

I am not keen on the divisions into sub-groups within the transgender community, (for example TV/CD, TG, T-Girl, TS) and I am disappointed that members of one or two of these sub-groups appear to think they are ‘superior’ in some way or more ‘the real thing’ than others. (Bella Jay wrote about this recently in her preface in the 2012 Sparkle Guide.)

These labels are artificial constructs, and at best are useful only in providing a vague indication of where an individual may think she is on the gender continuum at a certain point in her life. They also flag up to others who you are, so I do appreciate why one has to pick one of these labels when joining TVChix, but my point is that what you pick is not written in stone for ever more. More than one might apply to you, and you may change your mind about which one is most appropriate. For example at present, I could have picked T-Girl, Transgender or Pre-operative Transsexual, but I am most comfortable with transgendered, as it is the most inclusive. Some people remain as self-identifying with one label all their lives, while others may move through several phases of transgenderism – get on at one point and get off at another.

That is why I am uncomfortable when, in chat rooms, members seek to ‘help’ other members by labeling them on the basis of what they themselves think, or claim to be certain of – often out of ignorance.

This has already happened to me in a TVChix chat room, when I light-heartedly asked what was the difference between a ‘T-Girl’ and ‘Trangendered’, because surely a T-Girl is by definition transgendered, as are ALL people who self-identify as TV, CD, TG or TS, – we are ALL transgendered, as is anyone who is uncomfortable to any degree about the gender role in which they find themselves, and wishes to dress or adopt the cultural and sociological characteristics and stereotypical behaviour of the so-called ‘other’ gender. This discomfort with one’s gender is sometimes called gender dysphoria, another term I don’t like.

A couple of the girls replied to the effect that these labels are all bollocks and we’re all mad anyway, which more or less sums up my own view; but one pre-operative transsexual took if upon herself to private message me to offer her ‘help’ about my confusion regarding the terms ‘T-Girl’ and ‘Trangender’.

She seemed to think that whether or not one wanted SRS had some relevance to whether one was a ‘T-Girl’ or ‘Trangender’. In my view, it has nothing to do with it. And it is quite possible that at different times in one’s life, the answer might be ‘no’, ‘yes’, or ‘I haven’t decided’.

The presence or absence of a particular set of genitals between one’s legs has everything to do with your biological and genetic sex, but very little to do with your gender, and in seeking to live in the gender role of the ‘other’ gender, should probably be the last on the list of things you should think about changing.

Fortunately this view is starting to gain ground even in the NHS. If you are going to live in the ‘other’ gender, female hormones, FFS (Facial Feminisation Surgery), electrolysis, laser hair removal and voice coaching lessons are likely to have a much bigger impact on you success than what you’ve got ‘down below’.

It is in unwise to rush into SRS, thinking this is going to solve all your problems. If you are a huge, Neandethal-looking, hatchet-faced, lantern jawed, heavily-browed, grim looking person who never smiles (women smile more – so start by learning to smile!) – with a five o’clock shadow that comes back every three hours and you walk like a bricklayer and have a voice like Paul Robson – no one is going to think you are a woman, however much surgery you have between your legs. Sorry to say this, but let’s have a reality check!

There is absolutely no reason why you can’t dress as a woman and live as a woman if you are a very ‘big’ girl with very many obvious maculine physical characteristics – do enjoy life and go for it, be glad you’re transgendered – but don’t think that by labelling yourself ‘pre-operative transsexual’ and then getting your SRS without attending to other more obvious aspects which act as denoters of gender, you are suddenly going to convince ‘straight’ society out there that you are a woman.

Most people make up their minds about what gender you are in the first five seconds of meeting you – and it is probably the ‘Big Four’ indicators which are most important – facial configuration, voice, hair length/style, and the way you are dressed. The latter two are less important, as is clear if you’ve ever been into Vanilla, a lesbian bar in Manchester’s Gay Village, where you will see really dykey lesbians with very short cropped hair, or shaved at the sides, and wearing baggy jeans and a sweat shirt – but they are still recognisably women, because of their voice pitch and smaller facial features. (You will also see very pretty ‘femmy’ lesbians at Vanilla, so I don’t mean to generalise about lesbians in general).

At the end of the day, who cares anyway? If you feel your are a woman inside, then you are! The worse that can happen is that someone is going to recognise that you are transgendered – so what? Just be honest and smile!

My point is that perhaps it is better to start with some of the other practical things you can do, such as those listed above; I appreciate that these all cost money – although at present you can at least get the hormones and voice coaching on the NHS if you get accepted by a Gender clinic. (Yes, it is also still possible to get SRS on the NHS – but I wonder for how long, given the cuts?)

Anyway, as you can see, I love to write about these issues, but I’ll stop for now as I’ve probably already said more than my six penny’orth and tried your patience enough as a ‘new girl’ to TVChix!

I love you all, whatever you label yourselves.

Take care in those six inch heels,

Love, hugs and kisses,

ambergoth (Kate Lesley)

Six months since I transitioned – progress report

It is now six months since I began living living full-time as a woman.

My transition to the female gender full-time came about in early July, following this year’s Sparkle Transgender Weekend in Manchester.  It came about as a direct result of attending a presentation given by Dr. Luis Capitan, one of the facial feminisation specialist surgeons from Facial Team, based in Marbella, Spain and Sao Paulo, Brazil.

I had a private consultation with Dr. Capitan (for which there was no charge, unlike some FFS specialists, who charge even for initial consultations).  Dr. Capitan was very kind and listened carefully to what I said.  I explained what I thought I needed to have done, and he did not try to sell me unnecessary procedures which I did not want, but understood that for me, the most important thing was facial feminisation itself.  It sounds obvious, but what I mean by this is that my wish was to look like a ‘normal’ woman for my age as far as possible (or maybe a bit younger!), but that I wasn’t aiming to look like a Holywood starlet or Barbie Doll.

Apparently this is what some trans women want. Whilst it may be possible if you are prepared to go to a lot of extra expense for facelifts, eyelid surgery, and God knows what else (in addition to facial feminisation surgery), I felt it was important to have realistic expectations and was delighted with my new brow and nose, as soon as I saw them!  I was actually just pleased to wake up after the surgery and not be in pain, thanks to the care I was given by Dr. Capitan, Dr. Simon and the other members of the surgical team.  And the two Patient Care Coordinators, Ana and Lilia, also looked after me very well.

As will be seen from the photos on my previous post, I had very little bruising or swelling and after only seven days I didn’t look too bad at all, and was able to go for walks along the sea front in Marbella.  In fact, the bars and restaurants on that part of the promenade, near the Princesa Playa Apartment Hotel, are used to seeing Facial Team patients swathed in bandages – so I did go out even while I still had a nose plaster and pressure bandage on!  But I have always been quite upfront and honest with folk, so when we got chatting in the nearby Italian restaurant with the proprietors, I just told them about myself and why I was in Marbella.  I went back to show them the results a few days after the surgery, and they were so lovely in saying I looked fantastic now, although I still had the stitches in my nose!

There were two other Facial Team patients at the same hotel, Paula from Holland and Josephine from France, who were very pleasant people, and we wondered about all going out together in our bandages and sitting outside one of the bars – but we thought it might be a bit unfair on the owners – as what a frightening sight we would have made for other promenaders on the front!  (So we never did it – but it was nice to have other girls who were going through the same thing to talk to.)

So, my decision to stay as Kate and not to go back to being ‘him’ last July, after Sparkle, happened because I decided definitely to go ahead with facial feminization surgery, and it seemed stupid having made that major decision not to go full-time as a woman.  I was surprised myself, and I still am a little in shock that I finally made the decision so easily, but I guess it had been coming on for years, as I had been Kate more and more, and had been taking female hormones for over five years.  I think it was something that I always knew, at some deep, sub-conscious level, was bound to happen eventually.

And it is also strange that perhaps I knew that I would have FFS at some point – see my very first post on this blog, back in 2008: http://ambergoth.wordpress.com/2008/08/15/facial-feminizing-surgery-%E2%80%93-my-first-blog-entry/

At that time I didn’t know I would be able to have FFS in Spain, and thought I would have to go to California.  I am so glad that I had it done is Spain with Facial Team, as it it was such an easy low-cost flight to Malaga airport with EasyJet, and everyone at Facial Team looked after me so well.  I did get a quote from the clinic in San Fransisco, and also from the Boston clinic, but the U.S. clinics quote ridiculous prices, and there are so many extras they charge for – and of course it is much further to go back there if anything goes wrong.  The Facial Team quote was reasonable and included free accommodation at the Princesa Playa Apartment Hotel, an offer which they do at certain times of the year.  They arranged everything for me, and took the worry out of it, as much as it is possible to do, bearing in mind it is major surgery and it is fairly natural to feel a bit afraid. But in the end, by the second week, I just felt I was on holiday, as did Rosie, my partner, who had a great time and did some good Christmas shopping in Marbella.

So – how do I feel two months after my FFS and six months after transitioning?  Well, pretty fantastic, actually.  No regrets at all, and I have found myself wondering why I thought it was such a big deal and was so worried about transitioning and having FFS.  If you are considering either, go for it girl – you won’t be sorry!   Finally becoming the woman I always knew I was inside – is great!

Facial Feminisation Surgery – Post 4

It is five months since I transitioned from male to female and became Kate full-time.  It is just over a month since I had my Facial Feminisation Surgery (FFS).

I have been moved by the number of people who have been supportive during and after my transition.  Strangers and acquaintances online who I have never met in the flesh have also wished me well.

To quote Blanche DuBois in A Street car Named Desire, the great play by Tennessee Williams:  ‘Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.’

Thanks to you all, for your kindness and friendship.

In fact, I am fine.  Just feeling a little bit tired and emotional, on the day that I uploaded to YouTube my most personal video to date:

http://youtu.be/0iegp8AYt0o

Facial Feminisation Surgery – Photos – Post 3

Here are some photos taken before and immediately after my Facial Feminisation Surgery, during the first 9 days after surgery:

On day of surgery

Kate three days after facial feminisation surgery

Six days after surgery

Seven days after FFS surgery

Kate one month after surgery

Facial Feminisation Surgery – Post 2

Today is Tuesday 8th November, so it’s six days since I had my facial feminisation surgery (FFS) last Wednesday.

We are in Marbella, Spain.

I am sitting in bed writing this; Rosie has gone out shopping for Christmas pressies round the old part of Marbella town.

Marbella is a really lovely place, now a classy resort on the southern coast of Spain, formerly an old fishing village of Andalucia, up to the 1960s. It is certainly the classiest and best resort we have ever had a holiday in; not at all what I imagine Benidorm or Ibiza are like.

We are in a lovely apartment hotel (four star), The Princesa Playa, right on the sea front, the best place we have ever stayed in, as we usually rough it. We are on the 7th floor, and have a view of both the sea and the mountains from our balcony.

The apartment is very well appointed, with electric hob, microwave, fridge, and plenty of pans and crockery and cutlery, so Rose-Marie has been able to prepare us some really nice meals with fresh produce from the local shops. We have a small supermarket just round the corner, and there are many lovely bars and restaurants within easy walking distance along the front, which is swathed with palm trees and fig trees. The weather is cool and comfortable, but still with blue skies and sea. We like it so much maybe we will come and live here! I am remembering my Spanish more every day.

There are plenty of really fresh seafood restaurants and everywhere serves tapas for a Euro or two. It is not too dear to eat out compared with Switzerland – about the same as the UK or a bit cheaper, if anything. You could certainly stay and eat here cheaply. We like Marbella so much we certainly intend to come back next Spring – I have to anyway, to complete my treatment, as they couldn’t do the lip lift at the same time as the rhinoplasty (nose job). I may also have a hair transplant so I have an even thicker head of hair at the front!

I haven’t seen my new nose yet, but it looks promising – smaller and neater, with smaller nostrils rather than the Mersey tunnel entrances I used to have. I haven’t got a big, splodgy, ugly nose any longer! I will see it properly on Friday, when the nose plaster comes off.

We are going back to see the plastic surgeon (a German guy, Dr. Kai) who did the nose job and to the hospital to see the maxillo-facial surgeons (Brazilian Dr. Daniel Simon and Spanish Dr. Luis Capitan, both of the Facial Team clinic, here in Marebella, Spain) tomorrow. I may be able to have the scalp stitches out. My forehead is a lot flatter and more feminine, and the top of my new nose just continues straight up to my forehead, without the indentation that used to be there.

My eyes are no longer so deep set, and do not now peer out from beneath a Neandethal (or at least masculine) jutting brow! My eye-brows are also higher and in a more feminine arc. It will take a few weeks, and in the case of my nose, a few months or even up to a year, for everything to settle down, but I certainly shouldn’t look too bad by Christmas.

My neck is still looking a bit bruised after the liposuction, in fact this is where the worst bruising was, after the first two or three days.

For the first 2-3 days my eye-lids swelled up and my left eye nearly closed, so I looked as if I had gone several rounds with Mohammad Ali. By Sunday the swelling started to come down, and I looked a bit more human. To begin with, because my cheeks were also puffed up, I looked a bit like the lion from the Wizard of Oz! I made a joke of this to the ladies who work for the surgeons – Lilia and Ana – who have kept in touch with us throughout by a Spanish mobile phone which they gave us when we arrived. I have been really well looked after by them, and of course Rose-Marie, my wife and life partner for 40 years, has been wonderful. She is having a nice restful holiday herself now, which she needed after the months of worry leading up to the surgery and her over-working at the shop, etc. She is also being a good girl and relaxing.

Well, that’s about it from me. I am staring to look more Dorothy, less like the Lion (another Wizard of Oz reference). I have loads of books to read on my Kindle, and I can get three English-speaking radio stations on my HTC mobile and there is BBC 1 and BBC 3 and Sky News on our two TVs, one in the bedroom, so we can watch TV in bed, and one in the living room.

We have been able to keep up with East Enders, but have no idea what has been happening in Corrie – we’ll have to wait until we get back to find out. We fly back to the UK next Saturday, 12th November, but I will be posting again, tweeting and updating my status on FB regularly from now on, so keep watching out for my updates!

We can get onto the Internet in the foyer of the hotel on the ground floor, so I will post this now here and on FB. Please let me know, all you lovely girls who follow this WordPress blog, or are are my friends on FB or Twitter, if it is of any interest! Please reply! I will messge some more about the Facial Team, but so far I have been very impressed with the high standard of care and the kindness of Lilian and Ana and the surgeons, so I would say if you are considering FFS – the Facial Team clinic in Spain should be at the top of your list of clinics to look at. I looked at three others and chose them for a number of reasons, which I will discuss more on my WordPress Transgender blog.

I’ll post again soon, hugs to you all, I love you all, especially Sarah Hardman and Alessandra Bernaroli,  who have been good friends on FB in recent weeks – thank you, Sarah nd Alessandra.

x x x Hugs, Kate Lesley (Amber Goth)

Facial Feminisation Surgery – Post 1

Hi Girls,

I am writing this and future posts about Facial Feminisation Surgery to reassure those of you who are considering it but are understandably worried and a bit scared about what is involved.  I also felt apprehensive about it, as it is major surgery, but I would like to reassure those that are thinking about it that really, you have nothing to worry about.

I can only speak about my own experience of FFS, which was performed by the Facial Team – www.facialteam.eu.

The Facial Team are based in Marbella, on the south coast of Spain; or you can go to their clinic in Sao Paulo in Brazil, if you prefer.

I had a brow and orbital reduction performed by Dr. Daniel Simon and Dr. Luis Capitan, who are both experienced and very skilful maxillo-facial surgeons.  I also had rhinoplasty on my nose and liposuction under my chin and on my neck performed by the plastic surgeon Dr. Kai, ably assisted by Louise, Dr. Kai’s lovely theatre nurse (who hails originally from South Yorkshire). Dr. Simon is Brazilian; Dr. Capitan is Spanish; and Dr. Kai is German.  They are all professionally qualified to the highest standands.  So my experience is about these procedures; I can’t comment on other procedures which I didn’t have, such as eyelid surgery (blepharoplasty) or facelifts, full or partial.  I think Dr. Kai does perform these surgeries as well, if you are interested.

The main focus of surgery with the Facial Team is facial feminisation – and this is what I wanted, because I want my face to reflect my true gender (female), so that I just look like a normal woman.  I did not want to end up looking like a Barbie Doll or Holywood starlet.  There are clinics that will assume that this is what you want, and will try to convince you that additional surgeries are necessary.  They are not, if facial feminisation is your principle objective.  The Facial Team will do enough to give you a convincingly feminine face, and no more – unless you want it.  This honest approach was one of the things that attracted me to the Facial Team.  I did not find this honesty with a couple of the FFS clinics based in the U.S. and one other FFS clinic in Europe, who I also approached for quotations, and all tried to convince me that I needed procedures such as facelifts and eyelid surgery, which I didn’t want and hadn’t budgeted for.  I can’t name these surgeons and clinics, as I don’t want to get into trouble with them legally, but you will be able to work out who they are, and if you can’t and want to know, then contact me privately.

I think that is enough for my first post about this – more in my next post about my recent stay in Spain for the surgery.

Kate Lesley (Amber Goth), Sunday 13th November 2011.